! ☎ ✏ ✈

my run (not literally) in the nationals has come to an end.

i failed to qualify for either jumping events, not even long jump.

maybe it was because i just found out the qualifying mark is 4.3m, maybe it was the rain, maybe it was because my dad got lost and i was late in getting to the stadium, maybe it was the blasted headache, maybe god didn't like me.

i tell myself these are all excuses.

effort? i could have slapped myself but it's too late for regrets. the officials wont give me a second chance just to prove my lazy ass.

nope. that would be next year.

after i grill myself, after i curse myself, after i cry, after i train harder than i ever did, after i have confidence in myself, after i'm ready.

then i'll go challenge the rest. then i'll go challenge gail. then i'll go challenge myself.

for now, just let me challenge the damn headache i had throughout the day.


as i stared out at the rain, i watched it fall onto the track, onto the field, onto the jump pit.

my heart wanted to cry, but my eyes refused to let the tears fall.

he wasn't there for me and i couldn't cry infront of the trackers again, certainly not jade.

as the rain continued to fall (for me?), i could only sleep and cry in my dreams.