! ☎ ✏ ✈

he trusts me again.

always the middleman, to be content with his lot.


Screaming mindlessly into the night, the darkness drowning out those terrible cries.
Still, no one hears, no one knows, no one cares.
Dreams will be dreams, yet indiscernible from reality.
Who are we to judge that life is fair?

Do you yearn for me?
These tainted wings and broken vows, pieces of the jigsaw that don't fit anymore.

Why do you love someone condemned to Hades, whilst others are all being welcomed above?

Don't you see the dirt, violation and fear on my face?
Don't you notice I always shy away from your loving gaze?

Maybe... All I was hoping for was to be able to touch an innocence I would never regain.

Your light is too blinding for my darkness.

The bare nakedness, my heart lies open in front of you.
And yet, I fear.
I fear you would see the things that I've done, the foolish acts I've committed in the past.

Then, only disgust and hatred would remain.

The paradox; not wanting to keep any secrets from you, yet at the same time being ashamed of those secrets.

You've barely scratched the surface, the inner hollow screams for release.

Yet, its cry is muted, for it doesn't want to draw attention to its ravaged face.

A pawn in a war between black and white.

Pawns; interestingly insignificant yet indispensable.

Manipulated by the dark strings of nightmares, living and acting in this mascarade called life, the facade lasts until the final scene plays.

Death, the ultimate justice.


there's nothing left for me to fall back on anymore.

is it so wrong to ask for just a glimmer of success?

King, Queen, Knights and Pawns.
Chess isn't just a game anymore.


OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!

a new blogskin! (since forever)

made it myself (thus the low quality, messy and utterly simple design)

i totally forgot how hard it was to make a good blogskin.

ningxin, peishi, how do you guys do it.

i nearly dieeeeeeeed painting the specks of white between ichigo's hair with a one-pixel brush.

ARGH.

worse, while i was doing this skin, i had a flood of ideas for other and much nicer skins!

damn it brain! your timing in coming up with great ideas is seriously flawed!!!

so, ya i'll probably do an athletics themed skin. soon. i hope.

damn you scanner! if you worked my life would be so much easier!

(i have the design in my organiser but can't scan it into the com *cries*)

i just realised that the orange is quite blinding.

ahhhh well. i'm still a carrot at heart.

no matter how morbidly unfit i've become *glares at fats*

i seriously need photoshop *faints*

oh and by the way, the slogan "pawns in a war between black and white" is the NAVIGATION.
this notice is for people who can't see the blinding white text right above ichigo's blindingly orange hair and don't get that the white colour is supposed to be a hint that it's the nav. so there.


-BLEEEEEEEEEP-

i busted my tv. another one. damn it!

oh why do the tv gods hate me so?

tossing and turning, mumbling his name into the tear-stained pillow.
but still, no one hears.






I HAVE WAITED SO LONG FOR IT!
AND I FINALLY RECEIVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh and i ate ice kachang for the first time on friday :D whee-

lfie needs death to make it precious.

"For what they all seem to seek is to wage war, and endless desperate, blood-stained, struggles. Things quite close to crying loudly. I don't think they desire those things at all. On the contrary: all of this is their way of shouting and begging for death." -Arthur Hellsing (Hellsing)


i realised that ever since posting those weird, unfathomable posts no one comments. no i'm not blaming you guys because.. well, sometimes even i don't understand those posts xD

ok so i'll go back to posting high-sugar induced posts of my life! :DDDDD

doesn't that sound interesting?

*someone in the background: go suck eggs!*

:s

edit: i just realised i keep using posting and posts in the same sentence :faints:

tomorrow prelims are restarting. and yes, 99.9% of you would be asking what the hell i'm doing online. er, last ditch effort at relishing the pleasures of life. yup.

i think i'm gonna go find a rock now.

either for crawling under and rotting or to konk myself with :hobbles off:


If only I could take all your pain away.

Or at least, let me shoulder yours so you won't have to feel any.

Why am I just sitting here?

Why can't I share the burden with you?

Damn it.

Damn it all.

In pain, sorrow, worry, anger and tears, the only way I know how to express them is by smiling.

Ironic, plastic and fake.

And yet, through all the darkness, through all the confusion, through all the pain, you still say,

"Because I can't hurt you... I don't want you to cry..."

In a time long forgotten, I used to say, "Don't leave."

Now, the only thing I hope for is to see you smile again.

seeking the knife to cut away all the pain.