! ☎ ✏ ✈

come back soon.

"Bible" is such an inspiring and beautiful (albeit hauntingly melodramatic) song. loving it to bits.

I'm on a journey to find the place where miracles are
While turning the pain that I show no one into strength
I release my wish into the limitless skies
And even if I lose my way in the maze of time
I'll keep going

Surely, even in the night when the world wavers
I can dash through the winds and create
A bible to tomorrow

In my heart is mapped out, an unfettered pulse
Leaving footsteps of unwavering pride and passion
And beyond the limitless landscape there lies
A glimmering dream that is
The boundless future I believed in

The light shines in one straight line
Piercing through the darkness and taking flight
Beyond the realm of hope
I won't lose sight of the one answer
That never fades

Surely, even in the night when the world wavers
I can dash through the winds and create
A bible to tomorrow

To a place that will shine brightly for eternity

(english translation of the song)

motivates me to continue down this road.

i miss him. whenever he says bye.
but he'll come back. i know.
doesn't matter if i don't know where he's going.
he'll come back.
i know.


just got back from aristal (njc's dance concert)





















*stars in her eyes*

TENIMYU!! <3


and then i remember.

remember why i wrote this:

Ever read something that caused your chest to tighten up? whether in fear, anger or just some raw emotion you can't place your finger on.
I'd say I have some difficulty breathing now.
Part surprise, part revelation, part... Incomprehensible fear.
It strangles you, chokes you, gnaws at your very core.
I don't think I can sleep tonight.
Whether it's the fear or the revelations that'll keep me up, I have no idea.
I discovered something today.
It's called fear.
Fear that chills me to the bone.
It scares me.

so many months ago.

and i don't think i can bring myself to blame the other, to criticise the other, to vent my frustrations at the other,

for i fear of being devoured.

why i do i always land myself in the middle of the devil's pit?

because the devil has his grace.

sigh- i forgot what he was capable of.
i forgot who i was really dealing with.


oh god. just went to yitong's blog and nearly got blinded by her bright green skin (yeah i'm trying to say that i love my blogskin :3)

hey this shows i read kimi's blog! :D if not i would have pressed 'back' when the little green martians popped out..

sigh- we're all drowning in our necessary misery. well, maybe not all but i know kimi's sinking with me.

i'm getting slightly more buoyant now though, maybe i can throw kimi a float too.

better yet, she gets buoyant too. *grins*


sigh. isn't it amazing how something you believe so strongly in, thinking it was unbreakable, thinking it would be forever, just shatters in an instant?

and suddenly the fragility of life is brought into stark contrast with the brutality of reality.

or should that be the cruelty of dreams?

dreams are cruel, life is a dream.

we sleep, but never wake.

"wearied we keep awake because the night is silent..."

if any h2 lit student doesn't know where it comes from, go shoot yourself.

anyway, let us trudge onwards.

sigh. i get hurt too.

but i hate to admit it.

hate to show i have weaknesses.

hate it.

little demons escaping from the crack in the fortress - the heart is not as strong as it used to be, not as impregnable as it once was.

who's to blame?

only myself and my sickening attachment to reality.

my sickening attachment to being human.

i cannot deny who i am, but i hate myself for what i am.

and i hate it when i get addicted to something-

someone.

it's disgusting.

and yet, when i try and start to move away,

i feel even worse.

oh wait.

that's what it means to be addicted doesn't it?

damn.

humans and they're weaknesses. me and my weaknesses.

i want the INTP cm back.

focus being on the T, not the F anymore.

nope. they changed that. i changed that?

whatever.

i just don't want to feel anymore.

'cos feeling, emotions, only adds another reason, another form of leverage, for reality to break you.

oh yes. doing wilfred owen poetry just tugs out the nihilist in you! *smiles*

oh the venom.

i wish i could write like you.

i'm totally inadequate at expressing myself.

that's why no one understands.

well, you can't say i didn't try.

i did.

i did.

i told you. i showed you.

you did.

you did.

but now.

do you?

fuck the world baby, cm's got her groove on-
and she doesn't care if the world condemns her for what she is.
what- not who.
because in the end, the identity is transient.
the underlying idea, however, is immutable.


i'm giggling insanely looking at my new blogskin.

the SMEX!

*giggles more*

yep you can tell i have alot of homework. cos i get creative inspiration when there's alot of homework to do. and i don't do it. instead i run off to work on my creative inspiration.

alright so maybe making 3 panels for my blogskin isn't really THAT creative but hey, it's better than not thinking about it at all.

*droolsssss-* i don't know why i didn't think of this sooner.

simple, yet oh so hot, all my favourite bishies in one :3

hee. i seriously can't stop giggling.

hee.


stupid stupid stupid.

dared myself and something unexpected happen.

maybe i should be happy that i'm sad? lol.

oh don't you just love the ironies of life-

going for RJ's 'Taking Sides' thing tmr. waha hope to see hongjie there! (the rv one....)

sigh- he won't be there.

went for chao yang cip today! super cool to see our "sparkling seven" in the toilet :D yeah- glad i could help out with the character designs :)

super fun (especially seeing qiaowen's tag! wahaha) except the part where i fell and slightly sprained my ankle. nice. and i wasn't even doing anything drastic grr.

sigh.

the rings under my eyes are getting darker :(

Different is Everything
- Andre Citroën


just completed GPP.

totally shagged.

luckily i have niou as my blogskin. kinda rejuvenates me everytime i see it appear (he's my homepage! wahaha!)

*grins*

i love my PW group :)


oh yeah baby.

after some minor twiggings my skin is perfectly the way i want it to be :D

of course, you can't improve on perfection right (*cough* niou- *cough*)

yup i'm in school now. blogging. using school com.

i seem to be the only one who's doing it.

right.

nj creeps me out. just a little.

oh uber thanks to waimin for pointing out my totally moronic mistake in the welcome phrase *BIG GRIN*

i fixed it already. in case you were wondering.

yup.

you can tell i'm just blogging for the sake of having more words on my blog and wasting html space.


oh i'll be blogging quite oftenly now.

you can probably guess why.

yup.

my blogskin is totally hot.

long live Niou Masaharu <33


i'm not brilliant, though i like to think i am.

using lies to tell the truth,
or using lies to cover up the truth?


i'm suppose to go bathe so that i can be early (read: make it in time or at least reasonably not that late) for my pw meeting in school later.

well, obviously that's not the case.

as is always the case, i don't quite do what i'm suppose to do (right education's brainwashers will so believe that).

anyway, as i always say (i just came up with it ten seconds ago when i was smiling at the mirror): you don't choose genius flashes of inspiration, genius flashes of inspiration choose you.

and that's what happened when i finished reading TIME's Joel Stein's essay. at least it's better than the usual cases when i'm taking a bathe (at least i can come online and jot the flashes down, instead of frowning crazily in the bathroom trying to commit the flashes to memory. seriously. it's tough.) I actually thought of installing a whiteboard&marker combo in my bathroom, just in case God decided it was nice to give some random unknown a great flash of inspiration that would solve the Universe Expansion Problem in the bath. or just a Nobel Prize worthy problem. maybe just enough brain fizz to get through GPP.

anyone up there who hears this, help is greatly appreciated.

well, according to Bruce Almighty, God has internet. and he emails too. see! old men can learn to use the internet well :D tell that to the random ah-pek in the CC taking the internet literacy course.

okay so maybe anyone up there doesn't think i'm worthy 'cos i'm kinda hooked on para para songs. and everyone knows para para song lyrics (when you can figure it out anyway. and that would usually involve a search on Google for the actual written lyrics themselves. i swear those guys need english 101, but hey, the charm's in the brokenness, no? look at Singlish. 4 million people love it, irregardless of whether they're former colonial masters damns it or not). they aren't exactly played at mass.

oh shit. i've totally veered off course from what i wanted to type.

no it isn't about how good peelings potatos are for finger dexterity.

darn should have saved the convo i had with yanhui last night. my IQ felt like working beyond what it was numerically estimated to achieve.

finally put a long standing principle i believed into proper words (GO ME!):
why worry about something when the only question is to do, or not to do?
since you can't change it (i mean, most of the time you want to do something but you're worried you can't do it well/will screw up/will fall and break a leg while doing it etc), and you're quite certain you want to do it, then the least you can do is eliminate the one factor that has the potential (or more like confirmed potential) to cripple your true ability: your worriedness. 'cos that's probably the only factor you can control (other crippling factors like God's will don't count)
so might as well lighten the burden and get rid of something you can control.

yanhui said it makes sense. go argue with her.

a quote from a t-shirt (i swear our most profound and reliable knowledge came from t-shirt quotes!): worry is a misuse of the imagination.

i used to wear that shirt all the time, judging by how insecure my pathetic 11 year old mind was.

*shrug*

brain juice has ran out.

and minshing (a.k.a mr low version mini) will so kill me with his canoe-trained muscled hands if i'm late for the meeting.

damn. i felt my ego growing.

yanhui, shoot me please.