! ☎ ✏ ✈

oh god. just went to yitong's blog and nearly got blinded by her bright green skin (yeah i'm trying to say that i love my blogskin :3)

hey this shows i read kimi's blog! :D if not i would have pressed 'back' when the little green martians popped out..

sigh- we're all drowning in our necessary misery. well, maybe not all but i know kimi's sinking with me.

i'm getting slightly more buoyant now though, maybe i can throw kimi a float too.

better yet, she gets buoyant too. *grins*


sigh. isn't it amazing how something you believe so strongly in, thinking it was unbreakable, thinking it would be forever, just shatters in an instant?

and suddenly the fragility of life is brought into stark contrast with the brutality of reality.

or should that be the cruelty of dreams?

dreams are cruel, life is a dream.

we sleep, but never wake.

"wearied we keep awake because the night is silent..."

if any h2 lit student doesn't know where it comes from, go shoot yourself.

anyway, let us trudge onwards.

sigh. i get hurt too.

but i hate to admit it.

hate to show i have weaknesses.

hate it.

little demons escaping from the crack in the fortress - the heart is not as strong as it used to be, not as impregnable as it once was.

who's to blame?

only myself and my sickening attachment to reality.

my sickening attachment to being human.

i cannot deny who i am, but i hate myself for what i am.

and i hate it when i get addicted to something-

someone.

it's disgusting.

and yet, when i try and start to move away,

i feel even worse.

oh wait.

that's what it means to be addicted doesn't it?

damn.

humans and they're weaknesses. me and my weaknesses.

i want the INTP cm back.

focus being on the T, not the F anymore.

nope. they changed that. i changed that?

whatever.

i just don't want to feel anymore.

'cos feeling, emotions, only adds another reason, another form of leverage, for reality to break you.

oh yes. doing wilfred owen poetry just tugs out the nihilist in you! *smiles*

oh the venom.

i wish i could write like you.

i'm totally inadequate at expressing myself.

that's why no one understands.

well, you can't say i didn't try.

i did.

i did.

i told you. i showed you.

you did.

you did.

but now.

do you?

fuck the world baby, cm's got her groove on-
and she doesn't care if the world condemns her for what she is.
what- not who.
because in the end, the identity is transient.
the underlying idea, however, is immutable.