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So frigging insane the amount of time I've been online these 2 days.

But D18. The many fics (of course the more the merrier :D) and doujins set me thinking. Like lapsing into this Dino/Hibari facade where nothing matters but actually everything does inside.

Depending on which character I'm lapsing into, it's either met with a goofy smile or an indifferent face.

Seriously, I get influenced by enough 'other stuff' already.

I think all I'm trying to do is find myself and who lives inside. And I try to connect to characters, partly because it's easier to write stories about them that way.

Why do I always try so hard to be the someone I want to be, but then I realise, when I'm in too deep, this isn't who I want reflected in the mirror.

If only I could smile like that.

Yeah, D18 fics are awe-inspiring and truly brilliant. Amazing stuff I've seen these 2 days hur.

Such a geek, getting all philosophical after reading about non-existant 2D characters.

It hurt to say that, but Hibari Kyoya never smiles, never cries.

I don't know why. They are real, to me. In a way. They live. So please. If you don't care or you don't want to care, don't hurt somebody's faith.

Don't we all deserve something to believe in?

Faith is the battlefield.

Even if you think it's an illusion, even if in the end, they're just my futile attempts to escape from reality, even if there will never be a man like Dino Cavallone, it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

Just let me be.

And the skylark flies, unbounded, unchained, with only a whisper lingering, 'Come back to me, from the edges of the world, come back to me.'

Stifling, that's the only word I can use. It all used to be so easy. But it doesn't matter. Because what is once lost will never be regained.

There's nobody around anymore. But it doesn't matter. I'll become stronger, more than anyone else. Because I won't let him be killed by anyone other then me.

Why does it hurt. Would someone walk through the door, with a golden, gentle smile and whisper, I'm back, and just let me say, with salty, stinging tears in my eyes, Why am I such a mess without you, before you embrace me and say It's okay because you're here now.

They live fast, love fiercely and die young.

How does it feel to be alive.