! ☎ ✏ ✈

I was too young when I became the 'Bucking Horse'.

He was too young when he had his first taste of another's blood.

We were too young when we met.

We are still too young for this world of death and decay.

The Head of the Cavallone family sank tiredly into his leather chair, a soft sigh escaping from his chapped lips. Golden rays from the setting sun cast a tranquil glow in his mansion's office, juxtaposed with the Italian's inner turmoil.

He was older now, at age thirty-two, more matured. He could handle the sight of death and blood better than he could ten years ago but that didn't mean the instinctive repulsion ever faded when he was faced with those horrid scenes. A frown creased his elegant brows. He wondered how some men could actually take pride in keeping track of how many they had killed with their tainted hands, laughing and bragging whenever their kind gathered.

He could never do that. Ever. For the sheer amount of lives he had taken, whether with his own hand or through someone seemingly unconnected to him, would suffocate him when he slept, when his conscience was free to prey on his guilt.

He let his eyelids fall, just halfway, eliciting a wistful expression. He was afraid of the things he might see if he shut his eyes fully. The scenes of burning buildings and screaming children. Of guns and the cacophony of fights with rival gangs. Of the sheer amount of blood on his hands -

The door slid open, the soft creak echoing in the silence of the room. Dino was thankful. It had snapped him out of his reverie. Amber eyes regained their glint when he saw the familiar head of black sauntering through the doorway.

A gentle smile. "Kyoya, what brings you here? I thought we were meeting at the restaurant later?"

The Cloud guardian shrugged, a barely noticeable action. "I heard you were back early."

Dino chuckled softly. "What's this now? The great Hibari Kyoya is actually concerned about me?"

Dino's remark was met by silence from the Japanese man (Dino had to remind himself that Hibari had mellowed over the years and didn't fall for his teasing quite that easily anymore). Hibari had made it across Dino's office and was gazing out of the large window next to the Italian's desk, his face an unreadable mask. Dino didn't face him, eyes fixed on the closed door opposite.

"How many."

A pause. Dino didn't care that his fingernails were digging into the flesh of his palm. "I don't know. Their entire famiglia is gone." Dino's voice barely registered above a whisper. He felt weary, oh so weary and just sick of everything.

Hibari cast a sideways glance at his former tutor. "Do you still resent the mafia then?"

A harsh laugh emitted from Dino's throat, like a man who knows he can't do anything to fight his fate and laughs just to make it seem better. "How can I? They are family. They are a part of me and I was always a part of them, whether I liked it or not." Amber eyes traced the intricate pattern on his tanned skin, contempt no longer present in his eyes (he had hated the tattoo when he was younger, as if it were chains binding him to a world he despised and wanted no part of). "This is proof. Proof that I am the same as the ones I used to resent. Proof that I too, shall walk this path of blood and decay." Dino leaned back further into his chair, vaguely aware that the sky had turned navy. "Proof that I am my father's son, and that I must walk the same path he did."

Hibari almost missed the last sentence, straining his ears as Dino's voice became a near murmur. The night did something to people. It either comforted them with its enveloping darkness, egging them to reveal their secrets, or it scared them, for the stillness allowed the mind to wander and be reminded of the evils performed during the day. With Dino, it was usually the latter.

Hibari continued staring at nothing outside the window, fingertips unconsciously gripping the window sill. He exhaled deeply, knowing Dino would recognise it as a kind of chiding aimed at him.

"It doesn't mean you have to walk that path alone."

The moment those words left Hibari's lips, Dino had practically jolted out of his seat, gripping the other in a tight embrace. He buried his nose into the crook of the younger man's neck, softly repeating Hibari's name over and over like a mantra, as if it were the only word he knew in his current state.

Hibari grimaced slightly, arms on either side as he growled out a "Stop it" but to no avail. Holding back the urge to hit the blond, Hibari merely stood as Dino held him.

After a few moments, Hibari could feel Dino smiling against his neck and demanded to know what was so funny.

"You providing me comfort was the last thing on my mind when I first met you all those years ago."

A smirk tugged at the edges of the skylark's lips.

"You used to say you had nothing left in your world, so why not?"

A laugh, Hibari could see the spark in those brilliant amber eyes again and he felt oddly at ease.

We're all too young for this shit.


So I was talking to YH on msn and she was asking me about something relating to money and spending and then it hit me:

OHFUCK MY PARENTS HAVEN'T GIVEN ME MY ALLOWANCE THIS WEEK.

Actually they didn't give me last week either but besides the point. I'm going out twice next week D: How will I eat, dammit.

On the other hand, I got my from-parents-christmas-presents today! Liang Court be love, so is Kino's bargain alley :3 I got 3 books (in quite good condition) for a mere $30! ♥

And I finished 'The City of Dreaming Books'. And it was epic. And it is totally LOVE.

Oh my mum saw the Yunhou-trench coat-vintage picture in my phone (totally stolen from Felicia cough-) and she went, "Is that a 3D person?" and she had a WTF-have-you-done-with-my-daughter look on her face xD

Ahh D18 doujins sitting (prettily) on my desktop- THEY BECKON ME SO.

And I am total envy for YH and her spending capabilities dammit


The smell of blood never leaves, never fades, never lessens, never goes away.

It covers you, no, you reek of it. Dangerous, wild, ferocious, carnivore, predator, hunter, one who only lives for the thrill of the kill.

Like it is your only law, the only thing you understand in life. Death is but an unfortunate price your victims have to pay. You crave blood - the bloodrush, the blood of others.

Are you unfamiliar with your own?

Is that why you hate me with such fervour? Because I was the first one to spill your blood, blood pure and untainted by others and their, what was the word, herbivorous ways?

Tell me, in the language of death which you are so familiar with. Tell me, with those metal fangs you always keep by your side (is there no place for me there?). Tell me -

What is it that you want, Kyoya?

Do you know what I want? Through all our battles, through all your threats of "biting me to death", through all the shouts and grunts and scars, have you ever realised what was it that I wanted so very badly?

Your blood.

Innocent, unspoiled, wild and ferocious with pure intensity, you are like a beast who can never be caged.

Things forbidden have a secret charm.

You're always right in front of me, just a silver of distance away, but I can't touch you without you drawing my blood. We are even closer during battle, when we fight, when the primaeval rage (from what? What drives our battles Kyoya? Mutual yearning for the other's blood?) forces us to strike at each other (I don't know why I still do this. I don't want to hurt you - Do I?). I don't want to break you, I can't. But the smell, the very thought of your blood drives me insane. And I lose myself in the heat of the battle all over again.

And so we fight. You because I am but another obstruction in your way to becoming stronger (for what, Kyoya? What do you fight for? Why do you yearn to be stronger?), I because I am addicted. Addicted to the fear, to the excitement, to the dizzying rush when we battle, to the smell of sweat and stinging metal and leather, to the blood, fuck, your blood -

You've broken me, Kyoya.

There is nothing left for me but you.

And sometimes, when the night is darkest and I am alone, in the comfort of the silence and the stillness, I wonder.

Am I the beast here?

---

DDDD:
Dino what have you done to me.
Although I can't really imagine Dino being all.. predatory and yearning for another person's blood.. This is so OOC and for my own amusement only Dx

*gnaws at brain that totally corrupts Dino's personality* shall go sleep now since I've just wrote a bloodlust-filled!Dino Dx

"Things forbidden have a secret charm" Quote by Tacitus, Roman historian.


*FORGOT HOW TO BREATHE*

I literally went like "HIC-HIC-HIC" 'cos I saw, I saw....

LIKE, OMGWTFBBQ DAMN PWETTTTTY DINO DDDDDDDD:

I totally went ohmegod~ in a squeaky winny voice and started choking. I'm not exaggerating. I have the silliest expression now (it's a cross between dreamy and just bug-toothed/half opened mouth look of satisfaction and UTTER AWE AT THE ARTIST'S PROWESS)

(SHITS I've progressed to giggling now DAMMITDAMMITDAMMIT-)

The artist is called Kine and her art style is totally similar to Ciel's. (AS IF CIEL'S WORK ALONE ISN'T ENOUGH TO CAUSE ME TO GO INTO INSANE-FANGIRL-MODE) I think they even know each other (Kine had a 'free gift' sort of thing by Ciel bundled with her work)

Okay I just went to her website and I realised I saw her work before *SHOTTTTT TO BEYOND OBLIVION FOR HER RETARD-NESS* Just, somehow I didn't find her D18 stuff (Yes I have sunk to a new low of stupidity)

I don't dare to post some samples of her work here 'cos I think her work got plagiarised before ): So all I can do is PLUG HER WEBSITE LIKE SHAMELESSLY. It will convince even the most hardass person that Dino is smexy beyond belief.

.... I have been reduced to a drooling mass of nothing.

(OMGOMGOMG SHE DRAWS A FUCKTASTIC BYAKUYA AND URAHARA Dx I am on the verge of tears- SHITS I SPY A LAVI, HITSUGAYA, KAKASHI AND AND GAHHHHH I LOVE HER. LIKE TOTALLY.)

AND YES SHE TOTALLY DOES HIBARI PLUS PLUS... PRIMO. OH GOD. *DIES*

Okay okay. I shall post LINKS. Yes. I hope it's okay.

THIS ONE TO SMEXY DINO/D18.
THIS ONE TO JUST SMEXY PICTURES IN GENERAL! (it's for orders of her work I think. HEAVY on images so may take a while to load BUTIT'STOTALLYWORTHIT)


URAHARA KISUKE FTW.

he totally reminds me of Dino now Dx


Back from Hokkaido, missing the politeness and the impeccable service, not really missing the snow and the cold (although Narita's temperature was more to my liking).



I liked the wide open spaces, especially at the coastline. But I don't really mind that home is small. And seriously land-scarce.



First time I experienced snow falling. Not ice on the ground. Soft, powdery, fresh snow. I saw icicles dangling precariously off roof edges in Otaru. But getting whacked in the eyeball by snowflakes isn't very pleasant. And I had to take extra care that my camera didn't drown from melted snow.



I wrote 'Hibari' (chinese characters) in the snow outside the ice cream shop in Otaru.

The red berry trees reminded me of Hibari. If only because they were the only flowering flora throughout the trip and the guide (Richard) told me they belonged to the same family as cherry blossoms (Sakura; I want to see them).



I wonder how they survive the brutal cold.

Eating Japanese food in a yukata made me feel Hibari-esque too.

Animals I managed to see: bears, raccoons, foxes, swans, cranes.









The Shiroi Koibito chocolate factory was amazing. It's like the Japanese answer to Willy Wonka. Sort of. Since Shiroi Koibito is actually that biscuit-filled-with-white-chocolate thing.










Note: ¥21,000 roughly equates to S$342







The trip home was much better. Both times I regret that I can't finish my meal (for fear I would spew it all out after landing). Still sound drunk and inarticulate after landing in Singapore.



The City of Dreaming Books (pure genius), iPod which served me valiantly, some potato-stick Calbee snack (carrot flavoured of course) from Lawson (my new favourite snack and convenient store :) and Soki.

Or Hoka, my mum calls it that, since it's from Hokkaido. Bought it when we went to see Hokkaido north foxes. Have renamed my plushies accordingly (White thing = Pan, Pirate/Eye patch Rabbit = Lavi, Owl = Snow (for I lack an imagination when it comes to naming)


My better pictures, hope I can make them into half-decent icons.

long live 8.2 megapix cameras and experimenting with macro/3x digital zoom/scenery functions





















All images are not to be used without permission. I should start using watermarks or something (in a vain attempt to make myself sound pro and accomplished).

My eyes hurt. I feel feverish and terribly dehydrated.


Hokkaido-unrelated-fangirling:

☆ The first 11min of Bleach 198 is just pure utter worship homage to Byakuya and his flowery greatness :DD
☆ If my brain isn't too altitude-wasted, I'm quite sure both the new Bleach movie and Shitenmyu have started. AND I KNOW SHERYL'S THERE NOW TO WATCH THE LATTER RAWR-
☆ D18 anthology project by khr_projects is just SUPERB STUFF. Especially page 95. I'm so glad I didn't miss the public-post deadline.


Side note, I can collect my RV poem book thing already :D Is oddly filled with anticipation.

At home in a foreign land

ETA: I totally forgot to mention. I got to sit on the POKEMON PLANE when I was travelling from Chitose to Haneda >D


I'm bored and. Can't sleep. Although I should. Because I have a senior-junior game later in the morning. I don't know why I talk haltingly.

(see entry where I said my self-esteem has been shot to hell and beyond~)

And I just want to listen to iTunes. Because I like my KHR and english songs. And I don't want to read my past posts anymore (I realise I was whiny beyond cure in 2006 :/)

Yes, I'm drifting back to songs which I actually understand the lyrics to (without the need for translations)

Well not really. I'm still listening to uhm, *glances at iTunes* Stand Up! (khr), Dive to World (khr again), Velonica (bleach), Joint (shakugan no shana) and. Others. Like Caramelldansen wtf

(Caramell's in Swedish by the way)

English songs I've been listening to:
Boston, Signal Fire, 1973, Won't Go Home Without You, Disturbia, Viva La Vida and other songs along the lines of Boston (like Blind? You and Me? Collide?)

Hm. So reflective of my inner self xD

I LIKE WORDS THAT START WITH C!

chaos, corrosion (of conformity), copper (II) sulphate xD), cheese? chalk?, cachopony, crimson, cut, cry, contradiction, chiaroscuro, ciel/caelum (sky in french/latin respectively) and of course, CAVALLONE >3

I know there are others but I can't remember ):

Going to play solitaire now. Hohum. I know I haven't done something but really, I don't give a shit.

Oh, there's no point to this post.

Light a fire to the fang that cannot be reached
So that I do not have to see that star
So that I do not slit this throat


Hur.

I woke up at 3pm today. Own.

Walking around Raffles City with my aunt (and cousin) is fun :DD

And I'm sort of addicted to Thai Express' tom yam stick noodle thing. Sour and spicy, what's not to like :3

(Has no idea when she developed a liking for sour food)

It's all them limes I put in the nj hokkien mee!

I miss my daily dose of ipoh hor fun and tue/thu hokkien mee ):

Oh well, it's the price to pay for being out of school >D

Oh- I feel happy. I ordered the RV poem book thing called 'Through the Looking Glass'. (although I really think that phrase has been used beyond abuse Dx but well, can't argue with the classics..) Like, I feel glad to support anything remotely artsy in RV :) need to show that we don't just do maths and science all day haha.

Apparently we have a creative writing circle. Go figure o_o

Whee- can't wait to get it! :D

Damn I need more books, especially for my impending Hokkaido trip >3


I just posted a meme/fic thing on LJ.

My heart feels like it's about to leap out D:

Like I'm so nervous about posting anything there (because alot of people get to see it. No rephrase: ALOT OF PRO-AS-HELL PEOPLE GET TO SEE IT) plus it's in a community so. I don't know.

I worry about the oddest things.

They live, one last time


WHATEHSHIT.

BLEACH NEW MOVIE: Fade To Black, I Call Your Name

OPENS 13 DEC.

I'll still be in Japan >3

Oh and YH is a big fat liar.

YOUHEARME- your pants are on fire! D<>Yes, blond bishie fetish.

AND BYAKUYA KICKS MAJOR ASS IN THE LATEST EPISODE >DDDDDDDD

I like black haired bishies too, dammit.

EDIT: SHITTTTTS> Urahara in captain's clothing in the movie DDDD: MUSTWATCHSPAZZZZZ!


I was supposed to do a quiz of JM's.

But my laziness won so I'MSOSORRY D:

And no, I did not survive today unscathed.

Typing alone makes it hurt like hell.

Damn my inadequacies.


NYA!

27 chapters of TRC. GO ME.


*JABS RANDOM PASSERBY*

I'm two-cents away from feeling utterly horrible. Totally stumped at why I can randomly develop flu-like symptoms, which I'm praying would be gone by the time full-day training rolls around ):

Still have 2 more days of it.

I should be sleeping. But my stomach won and I'm eating my delifrance thing which name I have no idea how to spell. And drinking tea of course :3

Sigh. Let me live through the next 2 days unscathed please.

OHOH- a little fangirling: TYL! DINO is mentioned in the lastest KHR chapter :333 AND HE'S GONE TO JAPAN. HUR I sense an appearance soon >D okay wishful thinking ends here Thank you Amano-sensei, for bringing motivation into my life :DD


Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle is luring me with its gorgeous art once again---!

Is so tempted to continue my TRC collection now D: (is abit glad I didn't sell them off Dx please shoot me for even thinking it)

OMG FAY! YOU'RE A VAMPIRE NOW?! Can my blond-bishie fetish GET any better?

And you wear an eye patch too.

WHERE'SMYWALLET!

Oh and like, Kamui and Subaru totally FTW with their awesomeness.

Did i mention Kamui's voice actor (for the TRC ova) is the same as Tamaki's :3 hurhur-